Where’s the gift?

Should I even preface these anymore? We know I’m not sleeping…. I have to work at 8:30 this morning and I don’t know why I would book an appointment this early in a pandemic. I’m working til 7’ish tonight so I really should be sleeping but that will come soon enough. I know why I can’t sleep. I’ve hit a wall. I’m sure we all have. Yesterday was my day. I mean honestly I’ve hit many walls in this quarantine but this was my biggest to date.

I can’t watch the news anymore because it conflicts with everything or article anyone shares on social media. People have articles from CDC then statistics from another source. A video that keeps getting deleted from Facebook with two doctors and I can go on. I can still only see my mom from a distance and honestly there seems to be no good forecast in sight for this… according to NBC. So what do I do….

I think I’ll just go roque. I’ve been strapped to the wall, from a job standpoint and now I am free and I should start blessing people. Being a giver. I mean I’ve been a recipient of how it feels lately so why not do it in return. Well let me tell you… for me it never ends right. My motives are always pure but my end result is always skewed. Ok.. not always.

A customer sent me a check yesterday because she wasn’t going to be at her appointment but wanted me to have the money…this rarely happens. I was shocked. So I then gave someone help who has been a blessing to me and all was good. I just can’t leave it there.(Problem number 1) I promise you being a giver is a blessing and a curse. I had a friend and I adored them. I constantly was buying them gifts and the gifts were thoughtful. The thing is people always think you have an agenda or perhaps they don’t receive well.. it would make the average giver just shy away but not me. Oh I just keep on. My therapist (yes I’ve had one) would say this is where I need boundaries or it’s my way to bring others happiness I seek. Perhaps. Or I just love to give. I’m 46 and I feel certain this is something I’ll never stop doing… and truthfully 7 out of 10 times it always ends good. So why do we focus on the last three…..😳

So I’m with one of my best friend yesterday and she is the prize for me. When you have someone you can’t out-give you have met a blessing. I have them all in my circle. Some give time, some help me organize, some watch my girls, some give me encouragement (yes a gift) and I love every last one of those people. So now you’re wondering how am I going to tie the gift stuff with the pandemic.

Well here it is… it’s tough. Our world is reeling. Nothing is normal. Our kids are at home. Beaches are closed or are they?? Our summer is not what we are used to. My girls will most likely celebrate their birthdays in quarantine…but my girls are home. We have made TikToks, videos, delivered goods to people, and most importantly made memories. That’s a gift. I’ve been able to work again. This government failed its hairstylists during the shut down but my customers didn’t fail me. They sent money, bought gift cards, tipped over the normal because they knew it was hard. This is a gift. I’ve reconnected with some people I haven’t talked to in 20 years. I have reached out to old friends, made new customers and had some of the most fun being silly during this time. Time I wouldn’t have had had if I’d been at work. I made a crazy video that got almost 3 thousand views, help planned a hospital pray vigil that went viral and got to do some home improvements that I’ve needed to do for 10 years. Yes another gift.

So I guess when you hit your wall and you will…try hard to refocus your mind. Our future may be uncertain but the man who holds it is not!!! He sees all this and knows the end result. So what..you can’t take your cruise this year and you’re down and out.(Then plan another trip closer) If you can’t hug your mom for five weeks and you miss it like crazy then have a meeting with her on her porch. If you like to give to people gifts who are horrible gift receivers and you can’t stop it just keep giving. My mom always says “You can’t block my blessing”. My joy comes from it so perhaps just get better when people give to you (preaching to the choir because I don’t know what to do myself when I’m the recipient). I do know this. I am thankful. I tell them that. I shout it on social media or I write them or hug them. I may feel inadequate or undeserving but I’ll always be thankful. It’s easy.

So be thankful for today. For your people. For your family. For those who pour into your life. Even for this uncertainty we are living in now because there are gifts to be had!! Sometimes we just look have to look around. ❤️