What A Week….

It’s 2:13… this week has officially been one for the record books for me. I mean, if I am being honest, it’s been a month and year for one too. Tonight I have looked at everyone’s social media, snap chat, Twitter and instagram and I’ve even taken a sleep aide yet I can’t sleep. So when in doubt I write. It never disappoints with the grammatical errors and not because I think I’m so profound but because it helps me process life sometimes. Both my girls and dog are sleeping with me tonight..poor Scott. I think for them they have sensed it’s been off too. More then normal…I have a lot stirring tonight. Lots of emotions. But being present keeps coming to mind❤️

To help plan a funeral is hard in a everyday life but to do it during a pandemic is very weird. To do two in one week is gut wrenching. Let me say this… what my friends are living in is way worse then what I had to do. One is about to raise 3 teenagers now as a widow and the other has lost one of the best daddies I have had the privilege to know. So I’m reeling over here about how this week has unfolded. I think about Ashley and Allison. Our lives together and many trips. Our fun adventures and memories we’ve made. I think did we ever envision in April of 2020 this is where they’d be sitting. No… but yet both women are proving to be two of the strongest people I know. (Dee too) it’s not like they haven’t faced hard times but yet they always seem to push forward. I feel like we all have seasons and I look around at so many walking in seasons of life that they never asked for. Some lost their jobs, their parents, their kids, their health or maybe they lost sight of what is really important. I mean people are still bickering on Facebook over church, politics, corona, he/she said this and yet there are people who are dying and you are still grudge holding and acting ugly. Trust me I’m preaching to myself. I can hold a grudge with the best of them. I mean I can find the most bizarre, simple, “out there” people to invest in and it always leave me empty. Then I get the grudge going and it only hurts me in the end. They don’t care…trust me😥When we hold grudges and not forgive…we are the victims.

I saw my cousin come tonight and love on my other friend who was hurting only days after losing her husband. She said if she learned anything from going through this its to be present and there for others. She could have stayed at home. Maybe said I am not going to that bc I just did this two nights ago.. or I’m tired or they didn’t come to mine or a thousand different excuses and trust me they all would have been okay but she didn’t. She came and it blessed my other friends more then she’ll ever know.

Every day we have opportunities to do right by people. I again fail on the scale a lot. I get mad when people are done wrong, I’m a defender of the under dogs, I want to fix everyone else and not me…but don’t we all?

Maybe tomorrow if you are in your house and you’ve had ought with someone…perhaps you text or call them. Tell them you can’t change the past but you can the future. Or send someone a letter in the mail.(it’s still essential correct?) I’m not saying you’re gonna change them. My mom actually said today to me not everyone will see your heart but God will see it. Not everyone will respond but you’ll know if you did it with good intentions. I’ve made a million mistakes and I’ll make about 109 tomorrow. Okay maybe 115…. still I try to fix what I break and make it better. Especially with who I love or have loved. I mean I’ve reached out to this one girl so many times and she never responds but one day she will..and if she never does I made the effort. Make the effort. Be the change. Be bigger then they are. Love them anyways. Smile anyways. Mend the fences. Unblock them..yes I said it. Love on your people. I sure am glad I got to love on mine this week. I hate it was under these circumstances but THERE WILL be brighter days ahead. For them. For all of us. We just have to choose to see it😉 Choose to see it!!!!