Manic Monday

I haven’t wrote in a hot minute… I assume because this summer has been in full swing and honestly I haven’t had much minutes to think much less write. I went to church Sunday and the preacher spoke of David and Bathsheba. We all know her as the women who took him down but we rarely hear about the grace given to her later in life… or I didn’t.

I’ve been struggling a lot with grace, forgiveness and such. About how grace is so much more for the person who gives it then it is for the person who receives it. I have watched so many people face hard things these last few months. I watched a lady handle herself with class in a situation that I don’t know if I could have. She had to dial in her “mom role” and sit back on the sidelines. Impressive. I also watched a sweet cousin of mine bury his wife. He took care of her for many years without much praise or accolades. He did it with grace.

Grace is such a tricky word. I desire it from some of the weirdest people. Or maybe it’s acceptance. I’d like to say at almost 50 it changes but for me it doesn’t. I understand why people pleasers have so much anxiety. Give it to Jesus…. Wow never thought of that?!? I mean I’d like to know what it’s like to live one day without worry. I mean I worry about Catie, I worry about Callie, my parents, my customers, coworkers, friends and then I wonder have I done enough. I see these post and I’m like did I fail at this or that ? But then I remember grace… I don’t deserve it but it’s there for me. This weekend I didn’t go anywhere exciting but I had my Catie home. Callie got a part she was wanting and I got to eat at my moms house. I’ll take it.

I want to fix so much of what’s broken that I sometimes forget to be grateful for what isn’t. I mean I have a sweet man who is always there for me. I have a daughter that is getting closer to the lord at a college every week. I want to say it’s enough but this world tells us it isn’t. I want so badly to heal hurts or be all over the place with my bandaids but sometimes it’s easier to disengage and retreat.

I do urge you if you are fearful.. lean on him. Blast that Jesus jam. Quote that scripture. If you are wrong, write that apology letter but be ok if it’s not the answer you want to hear. Quit chasing people who don’t want to be in your circle. It’s ok. Send text to check on those who are hurting. Even if you don’t know but God has put them on your heart do it !!! Rewriting your life at 48 is hard. It’s messy. It sometimes leaves scars. But they remind you where you’ve been. Just don’t get fixated by them. Bathsheba could have just given up. Thrown in the towel… but God wasn’t done with her yet. He gave her beauty for ashes. I encourage you to go watch Travis Rutlands sermon. It’s way better then I’m telling. Lol. And so are you!! You’re not defined by your yesterdays. I’m saying it again… not defined. I’m gonna keep trying to give grace and probably gonna need some tomorrow bc I’ll say something stupid about Arby’s or something. Just know we are all (speaking by faith) headed down the same street. Some take detours. Some rush it and sometimes people hit dead ends. Just get back up and keep trying. And love on people. That’s all. Good night 💤