Tonight….

I often wonder how we get to where we are. I mean I’m vastly approaching my 49th birthday. To say I’d have it all figured out by now was my goal. I can assure you I nowhere believed I’d be a divorced mom of two. Yet here I am “crushing” it… 😳

This week has been so busy. We started out in the mountains of Alabama, came back to a wonderfully packed schedule and then the weekend. My precious friends daughter was hurt in a car accident. We had just been together before this happened. She and I were helping my coworker because she didn’t feel well. Then her life changed. Today my dad was admitted to the hospital. I pray that we get it fixed but at the beginning of the week we were gathering around a campfire.

Life is never what we expect. You know.. I believe we meet people by chance. Some good, some bad and some indifferent. I can say some of the people in my core group are about as great as can be. The lord has put some of the most precious customers in my chair as well. Some not so precious but 95 percent I don’t deserve. I think about the people I’ve met along the way. The strangers who are now my best friends. The connections I’ve made who now help me with different life events. I think about who I’ve let pour into me and who I’ve let drain me. Which leads me to this👇🏻

People will punish you for your past. They will also punish you for your present. Even for your happiness. My previous post I wrote about how fear was such a crutch most of my life. It kept me from living and sometimes fear keeps you from being you. I’ve learned so much this year. I’ve learned it’s ok to say no. I’ve learned some people want you to fail. I’ve learned you can have a civil divorce. Not to say I’ve done life perfectly. Trust me around every corner there’s a “history keeper” to remind you of all you did wrong. BUT if you look there are so many to encourage you and remind you of all you’re doing right. Doesn’t mean you’re perfect. Just means you’re trying.

Mistakes happen daily. Hurt people hurt people. Surround yourself with those who speak truth but also life. Remind people of grace. Seek out those who want you to do better and be better. I hear every day of people who make mistakes. Who have grievances left undone. I see people who never choose to see the sunshine. I also see people who only see it. lol.

As I read on fb, my friends neighborhood had a prayer gathering for her daughter tonight. I’ve had people checking on my dad all day. Why? Because there is good still out there. Being broken is hard. Being lonely is hard. Being bitter is the worst. When you finally chose to close the chapter and not let the enemy win is when you start to win.

Again.. my past is ugly. I’ve made some major fouls in my life. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I’ve also let people hold this over my head. I don’t need them to beat me down.. I do a good enough job over here on my own. I had a friend tell me I was responsible for my child’s anxiety. Do you know how long I carried that? I carried it until I realized people don’t have power unless you give it to them. I am laying here and I should be sleeping. I’m thinking about my daddy and my friends daughter. Thinking about the amount of positive being poured into their lives. Both are not where the thought they’d be on a Sunday night but both are seeing the beauty in the ashes. Still giving credit to Jesus in the midst of their storm.

I just hope when you walk through something remind yourself it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to have off days, to mess up, to wake up and start over. Get some people who love you In your corner. Mend fences. Im going to bed blessed. To be in a community I’m proud of. To have two great girls who aren’t perfect but are doing their best. I have a mom and dad who show me daily what real love looks like. I have friends who love me and build me up. I have a pretty great “friend” who is helping me find my smile again. I am not living the perfect fake book life but I am thankful. This is not where I thought I’d be… but I’m ok with it tonight. (Other then I need my daddy to get a good report) Check the people who are depositing and withdrawing from your life account. We allow what we take… bottom line. Don’t be a prisoner to your past. Learn from it. Or repeat it. It’s up to you!!! I’m talking to me too. I still get myself in some funny stories but it’s ok. Grace. Grace Grace. Don’t deserve it. Can’t earn it. Thankful for it. That’s all. Thanks for reading this long. Just hope you love ur people well. Love yourself too. ❤️