You Knew This Was Coming..

I realized I haven’t written a blog post in a long time. Honestly… I’ve not had a lot to say. Perhaps I did but I haven’t sat down long enough to write. I can honestly say I would have never thought last year at this time I’d be where I am now. It’s amazing how fear of the unknown can keep you captive. I’m living proof of a person who lived life in fear.

It probably started as a child. I could not say the prayer “Now I lay me down to sleep”.. didn’t like the way it ended so mom revised it. Then in high school I was afraid of the rain. That continued on into adulthood. Then planes.. the list goes on. I was so crippled by fear that I didn’t see how it affected me or my kids. I finally got over my plane fear because I wanted Catie to see New York. I don’t like rain still but I can do it. It’s just what we speak into existence can ultimately become our reality.

This year has been one of the toughest years to date. I lost probably one of the most influential people in my life to cancer in February and then got a divorce. Sold my house, moved into my moms for two weeks, she broke her arm and then bought a house. To say its been life altering is an understatement. But.. then there’s the bigger picture.

I realized in the last few months I can do way more then I ever realized. I mean I can hedge bushes, paint furniture, manage a budget, and live on my own. (With my girls too) I also realized I have probably the best friends and family on the planet. My pastor told me when you walk through hard times, people who you think will be there may not and then people you never imagined will show up. WOW did he speak truth. I have had people hang lights, hang curtains, move furniture, haul ALOT to the dump.( Sadly I’m friends with the man there now). My ADT sales rep hooked up my tv… I moved on the best street possible with the sweetest neighbors who have dropped off food, screwdrivers( tools), gifts for me and the girls. I just can go on and on. Wait.. did I forget my customers? They have loved on me so much. Just blessed me beyond measure. I think fear keeps us so afraid when in reality we are so much stronger then we ever thought.

I came home tonight after eating a home cooked meal to my girls laying on the couch watching tv. They were both so sweet and Catie said “Mom.. I can really tell your happy”.. “It just feels good.” I just wanted their transition to be smooth. It wasn’t. It was hard, and bumpy. We cried a lot and we didn’t always go to bed with glad hearts. But… tonight we did. Divorce is never easy. It’s hard to make your kids a statistic. It’s hard to walk away from the comfort we are used to. To disrupt their lives, your families life and your friends too. It’s tough to walk away unscathed. Scotty and I have done our best. We haven’t done it perfectly and we are still working to improve but here we are. Trying. That’s good enough for a Monday night.

So I guess what I’m saying is.. when you see the divorced woman or man out. Be kind. I’ve never been on this end so I never traveled this road. Tell them you’re praying for them. Don’t tell them what they should of done or what they should do next. I can assure you.. they are asking lots of people for advice. Lol. Do love on them. Do encourage them. This really is true in any life situation. With my mom and her arm… so many reached out to her during her fall. So many sent text, flowers, prayers and words of encouragement. That’s what we all need. Just to be the one who is trying to help less the one who is just “giving lip service”. Also know, I’ll probably make a million mistakes by tomorrow. You’ll see me out probably being rude at a gas station… lol. I will for sure offend someone by writing this. (What’s new). I also know someone who’s reads this may be struggling with fear, depression, anxiety, or loneliness. Someone may feel like a failure because of their past or present for that matter. We may fail at different areas but we are not failures. We are just doing our best with the cards we’ve been dealt or the ones we chose to play. Just choose grace.( preaching to myself). Forgive yourself and work on you. Love the life you’ve been given and buy yourself an edger for your shrubs. If anyone truly knows me.. they know this is a game changer. I’m telling you. Life isn’t in the big houses, or fancy cars.Side note:they can give you lots of joy if that’s your thing. It’s just can’t be your only source. It’s in the memories we make and continue to make. Choose happiness. Choose to be a giver. Choose to not live in fear. Also be thankful for the life you have. Love your people and I’m so blessed to have you in my life if you are reading this. Have a good night and keep on keeping on…

THIS IS NOT TO GLAMORIZE OR ENCOURAGE DIVORCE. IF YOU ARE HAPPY.. be blessed. If you are not fight hard. Work hard. Go to therapy. But if you don’t make it to the end. It’s ok. There is still a new sunset. A new tomorrow. That’s all I’m saying:)