Who’s Got You?

I realized I have not written anything in a while. I’ve truly not had a lot to say. Perhaps navigating through life or maybe just not taken the time. I went to church today. That’s not uncommon. I had a few things hit me over the head while I was there. It was VBS week so truly nothing to do with the sermon. I started to think about relationships. Who we pour into…and I try to pour into a lot of people. .but I am also the girl who wants everyone to like me. I don’t like this part of me and I have a hard time being that girl. I started thinking deeper and here’s where I landed.

I like to have closure…I mean who doesn’t. I want to have answers to all my questions and I’m pretty good at getting them until now. Like if a customers leaves, I will always be kind because she may come back with some bad hair. 😉I also want to fix the relationship so it’s not awkward in public. I admit that on occasions, I happy dance when they leave. (But that’s rare) I always want to give them a good farewell…Guess what. Sometimes they don’t want it. It’s ok…I have an abundance of business but I have that nagging closure thing I like to do. Whew… not easy.

I also started seeing a therapist and I’m ok with it. No shame in my game. Some of y’all reading this would be good candidates for one too. She tells me often I can’t write out the endings to all my stories. Basically you don’t always get what you want. You can’t win them all. That doesn’t sit well with me. If you do not like me because I did something to you that’s fine but I won’t be your scapegoat. Chances are if I did hurt you… I’ve apologized. So learning this at 47 is a tough pill. Not everyone is going to be on “your team”. Not everyone in your boat is rowing. Some are wanting you to fail. Some don’t like you because they are “history holders”. Lord I wouldn’t like me some days but most days I give myself a lot of grace. Not because I deserve it just because he loves me enough. (JC)

I got this new tattoo as of late.. it had a weird meaning at first but then the girls at work starting saying it. A lot!! We say “I got you”. Then I would say to them “Jesus has me every day”… so a few of us got it tattooed on us. No matter what.. even if they don’t have me, Jesus does. I hope you know you can’t fix all that’s wrong about you. In fact.. you can only try. At the end of the day.. we have to know we did our best.

I do write so much about grace, self love, forgiveness, healing, being enough, and so many things we struggle with. Just wish I wasn’t so consumed with it. I read this again and I just think so many of us want everyone to think we have it together. That we don’t have struggles. Just know it’s ok to not always be ok. It’s ok to show up and maybe be just there. You are not perfect. Just know you are loved by the main man..Jesus. He never will let you down. That’s all I have tonight. He’s got you!!