All My Life…

I feel like when I get in my head.. I like to write. Perhaps I get out what I’m thinking. My brother says I just write the same things over and over. Maybe I’m that basic. I guess if I write it enough I’ll believe it. Social media sucks. Really it does. We all get so wrapped up in it. Who’s going where… what’s Mary wearing? Comparison. It can really break you.

I feel like we blinked and here we are in June. So much going on. I can’t tell you the last time I watched the news. I came off Twitter and that’s where I read most things. My daughter, Catie, is driving and swinging 2 jobs. To have one, she had to commit that she was going to church to get her “spiritual needs” met. She keeps a nursery on Sunday. So we started going to a church on Thursday. I’m sure some of you are shocked I go to one church much less two. Surprisedly… I haven’t posted about it. Until now. I am an over sharer. Pointed out to me tonight. Flaw to some…wish I wasn’t such an easy read. No poker face here. I walked into church pretty broken tonight. I mean on the phone, head down broken. The service was good.. real good. Then I walked and got into my car. The song “Goodness of God” starts playing. Trust me, I have no idea why. I don’t have it on my play list. I don’t even know if I’ve ever listened to the words. “All my life you have been faithful.. and so so good” “In darkest nights you were closer than no other”

I thought wow his grace.. I don’t deserve it. I can’t earn it, but he gives it. Even when I mess up… which is daily. (Maybe hourly) Y’all, we are all just broken crayons, but we can still color. I promise you, even my worst enemy can’t make me feel as bad as I can. All week I have had customers just giving love and words, and I’m here thinking, “why”? Then I remembered, they could leave tomorrow and my life be flipped, and all my life he has been faithful. All my life he has been so so good. When we have nobody, we still have him.

Also, I’m not trying to act like I’m so super spiritual. I’m not. I’m a mess. I love Jesus and I cuss a little.. I say dumb things at horrible times. I ask nosy questions and I go to bed and pray a lot. A few months ago, I asked my mom to pray for something specific. So specific that she said, “I’ll pray it, but you may never get it.” Well, tonight God gave me what I prayed for. So much so that I don’t even question if it was him. That’s big!!! Was it what I wanted, the way I wanted? Heck no!!! Was it what I prayed for? Yes. Whew. It was a lot. So if you need Janice to pray… be specific because she will continue until it’s answered. She’s got the main line…

You may not be where or who you want to be in this season of your life. I thought I was remarkable at age 46, and now I think I’m a poster child for therapy at age 47. Same girl. Still remarkable, just remembering that we all need grace. I have to remind my girls of this too. We are remarkable through him. We are just a big old mess of nothing without him. I thank you if you have read this far. Also, don’t get consumed with social media. Just because their life looks perfect, they are still all on the bus with us. Love on people. Give grace. When others walk out… you walk in. Tell the girl at Target thank you. Tell the lady at Dunkin her lashes are pretty. Being kind to others will help your day. Or not. Just keep swimming. You’ll never drown if you remember that song. God is there. Again, I’m not being anything but real. I’ve got lots of things to work on. (I’m going to work on my plank and leave your splinter alone.) Just know, no matter what, God has got you!!!