What’s Yours??

My name is Amy and I have social anxiety. It is real and may be hard for you to believe if you think you know me. Honestly throughout my life, I have had lots of “special” anxieties, but I’ve learned how to mask or overcome them. See you can look at someone on here and think they have it all together but everyone is fighting a battle no one knows about.

When I was little I never wanted to sleep away from home.(5-13) I wanting everyone to stay at my house. I made my mom come get me even if I was down the street. I wouldn’t stay at my grandparents house unless mom and dad were nearby. I slept with mom until I was too old. Then when I was 14, I decided to go to Texas…for a month. I did it. A whole month. I assume we were all shocked. It was what it took to break that fear.

Then I had a “driving” one, a “storm” one, a “plane” one, “staying at house alone” one, “helicopter mom” one and now the “social anxiety”or “awkward in public” one. I tell you this because I eventually got through them but they do pop up. After I moved out and in my 20s, I went to my moms house and slept on her floor because a storm was coming. I think NOW how silly was that but it was what I allowed to control me. I don’t like rain and storms today but I can tolerate them.

I saw a lady last week, and for totally different reasons she was having social anxiety. I realized if I helped her with hers then inevitability I was helping mine too. I hate big events but yet I volunteer and go to them. Not like church or a concert but a big party, wedding or gathering. I haven’t always been this way but given the choice of hanging with 10 or 40.. I’ll always pick the lesser.

I mean I write this and could give two flips who reads it.(Seriously) Because every time someone sends me a message and says that is how I feel, I know it was supposed to be read by them. I even went out last night. The place was loud and I just started getting nervous. Then I get quiet and said nothing. (Shocking) Now as soon as we all get in car I’m fine. Back to normal. Or say we are at a restaurant and I’m with my closest friends. All is good. I assume it’s insecurity or perhaps crowds make me nervous.

I just look on Facebook and people make it seem like they have it together. I’m guilty of it at times. Then I watch the news or see a post and I’m like this world is crazy. Hatred and divisiveness on both sides. People post stuff and they think they are going to change someone else’s view. I wish people would just be open to others views. Perhaps not agreeing with them and that’s ok. Free will is alive. Trust me… but when someone is baiting you on social media. I don’t know how you think you’re gonna win this. Jamie is gonna think this way for the rest of her life and Bob is not budging on his views. Be careful not to confuse their “views” by how you think they might view something…That’s why we live here.. America. It’s land of free. It’s not perfect. It’s not without blemish. There are places I don’t want to go right now. They scare me. Social anxiety creeps in. Then there are places I think I’d love to see.. but so much is not good now in our world. On both sides. I worry for my friends. I worry for my kids. I worry because now if you “like something” or don’t agree you are showing your true colors. I say no. I tell you this much. (Be careful part>)My dad is a conservative man. Never drank a drop. Hunts and fishes. Some would say from the “deep south” but you don’t know him. You don’t know his intent of his heart. He doesn’t post a lot on social media unless it’s about my mom or a fish. You may look at him and think one thing but I know the other side. He loves an underdog. He fights against injustice. He gives too many chances where others would stop. So tell me. Does he not fit your narrative because he looks different then you? If your answer is yes, that scares me. I have a friend who is more liberal. She is fierce and aggressive. She stands for what she believes. She never waivers and she will take you down with her words. She waits for you to say one thing and she says “ So you’re one of them”… same goes for a guy I know who’s conservative. He’ll say you’re either with me or against me. Can’t I just love you and agree to disagree? I mean what if we started being kinder in our community. Volunteering at schools for children. (Preaching to myself) Or instead of saying that guy on the side of road is just gonna buy beer, just still give him some dollars and let him be accountable. You don’t know what road he’s on. Where he’s been…How humiliating it may be to stand there..Or what about the girl who checks you out at Target or washes your car off.. I think about how they are doing their best and you’re going to yell at them about the mask requirements. They didn’t make the rules and are just trying to enforce them . They’re doing their job. Show a little grace.

Bottom line.. if you are reading this.. guess what? We are not that much different from each other. We all want a healthy place to live and raise our families I think. I know some come from different lives, different pasts. Maybe someone who looks just like you, may have had it ten times harder then you and someone who looks nothing like you had it better.( I know run on sentence) But they persevered and went on. They didn’t let their past dictate their future. I promise you I couldn’t sit in a theater 15 years ago for fear someone was going to do a mass shooting. I got over it. I process different then you. I didn’t fly for years and now I’m over it. I mean I’m still a nervous flyer but I’m not bound by it. I wasted so much time worrying and less time enjoying. I mean I made memories.. just ones I could drive to. 😂 So when you finally face your fears remember someone else is facing them too. They are just not putting it out there. They may be scared or ashamed but it’s okay. Love on people who aren’t like you. It’s also ok to say I don’t see it that way but I still love you. I still believe in the end result but we may get there two different ways. In a world full of hate be a light. Encourage someone. Tell them it’s ok. Social anxiety may always be in my back pocket but it’s not gonna rule my world. So whatever your going through remember it’s ok. Someone is praying for you and has been there. Don’t judge them. We all have something we are fighting. Love you my friends:)