I’ll admit today has been one of many “feels”… We decided last minute to take the kids to Brasstown Valley Resort. We left and made the most of two great days. We come home to find my aunt in the ER and my house in need of some “tlc” but you pick your rather. I go see her and I come home. I feel a little pulled because sometimes you can’t be every where for everyone. My daughter wanted to meet her friends but we live out and it’s raining. So picking her up is not always conducive for young ones. So I went and sat in a parking lot while she rummaged through Target for an hour with her friends. She worries a lot about her friends. Is she being enough? She said tonight will that ever stop?? Feeling this way….If she has my dna then no…..
I read so many post on social media (mine included) whether they are sick or needing validation or political bashing. It’s something on every turn. I work in an industry where it’s main focus is on beauty and looking your best but most people want you to hear them more then they want to look gorgeous (okay it’s a close 2nd but still..) I spent last Saturday night playing Yahtzee with my girls and my 83 year old aunt. She had the best time. So did they. No social media, no post , just good old fashion fun. Then immediately I’m sucked back into fb and reading where Mary went and what Donald did and I’m lost again.
If I can teach my girls one thing I never learned is they are enough. Not that my mom didn’t try to instill this in me daily. That their self worth doesn’t come from anyone. No man or friend or especially a mom who doesn’t speak to them.( I’ll leave that one right there) I am the same way they are and I wish I wasn’t. We dress to get the compliment, we tell the story to get the laugh. But what if no one ever compliments you or laughs. Are you still enough? Heck yeah you are!!! Just tell me how to teach something I still can’t learn myself. It hurts when your left out at 9, 15 or 46 years old. It kills you when you’ve poured into a relationship and they don’t. It’s hard when you want to fix everyone’s hurts and you’re not capable. I wrote a friend the other day who went through a horrible ordeal. Horrid. I gave more encouragement then I have in a minute and no response. Then I checked my motive. Was it for a response or for them. I mean I would have loved a “thanks my friend” but in the end I know I did what was right. I don’t always. I mess up way more then I do right. I try to make people laugh at wrong times. Perhaps to take their mind off what’s inevitable. Or deflect from having to go there. Just read social media… shit storms are brewing on every post. Someone is mad, sad, bragging, happy, being passive aggressive or just putting it out there to be seen. Keep seeing them. Keep being you. Check on them and if you fail to , then tell them you will pray for them and do it! Either way they feel seen.
In the same breath guard yourself. Guard your babies. Guard your heart. Love people well but as my wonderful therapist said “you cannot take the bumps and bruises for everyone even if you try your best”. Just love them. See them!! Just like last week, I had a moment when I felt sorry for myself ( pity party not deserved) and just like that people started calling, bringing me random cards and gifts. For no reason. It’s like God knew I needed “a bump” and these random, most not even on social media, just brought some type of love. Don’t get caught up in who doesn’t see or want to be in your world. Be thankful for those who are fighting to stay there. Enjoy your blessings and nights of Yahtzee. Climb a mountain in slippers and high heels. Ask Bridget…..it can be done. Lol.
Bottom line… comparison is a joy stealer. Overthinking is a joy stealer. Worry is a joy stealer. Regret is a joy stealer. Pride and envy.. yep all stealers. Just love your moments, learn from each choice and climb mountains in heels. Know your worth. Preaching to me too. You’ll one day be better for it!!!
Memoirs of a “Not So Famous Hairstylist” 